


Chronicle

by MissjuliaMiriam



Category: Captain America (2011), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Childhood, F/M, Feels, Flashbacks, Gen, Implied abuse, M/M, Steve doesn't know what he's getting in to, Tony had a shitty childhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-20
Updated: 2012-06-27
Packaged: 2017-11-08 04:01:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/438922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissjuliaMiriam/pseuds/MissjuliaMiriam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Steve learns of Tony's youth in a chronicle of photographic evidence, and it is not at all what he was expecting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Album

**Author's Note:**

Steve is exploring an old, dusty wing of the mansion, trying to find hints of Howard. Tony has banished every bit of his father from the part of the mansion that Tony spends any time at all in, but Steve wants to know what happened to his old friend, beyond what he's found in the news. Tony never speaks of his father, and he doesn't keep pictures, or anything. He leaves the room is Steve tries to ask about him, and doesn't even bother making an excuse. He just gets up and walks away. Steve isn't sure what Tony's problem is, but figures that if he's going to learn about Howard's life after the war, he's going to have to find it all himself.

He eventually finds what looks like a study, and as he looks around, brushing dust from the wooden desk, sitting in the well-worn armchair and pulling open drawers. They're all empty, but for the big one on the bottom right, in which there is a box, and written on that box is written “TONY”.

“What on earth?” Steve mutters, and he pulls the top off the box. First there is a jumble of pictures, unsorted, messy, and as Steve shifts through them, he sees that they're mostly of Howard, still young, and a woman who Steve thinks might be Maria, Howard's wife. She's pregnant in the lot of the pictures, and the couple looks... happy. Maria is glowing.

Underneath the mess of photos is a thick old photo album, leather, vintage and in pritine condition, untouched by age. Steve lifts it gently from the box and places it on the desk, then puts the box and its loose photos away. He pulls the armchair up to the desk and he opens the album. The very first photo is of Maria settled in a hospital bed, smiling tiredly. Howard is next to her, ruffled like he'd run to get there, but beaming. And in Maria's arms is a baby, tufts of short dark hair and small eyes that are bright and attentive even in the still photo.

-

_Howard had run to get there, because he'd been in a meeting, and god knows he was not going to miss the birth of his child. He'd missed it anyways, and when he got there Maria was exhausted and happy, and she had a son in her arms. He apologized, and she said it was no matter, and for a long moment, the world was perfect._

-

Steve flips through a few more photos, of a very small Tony in his parents' arms, tiny body sprawled on a blanket, grinning happily at the camera with a toy shoved into his mouth. He is mostly looking right at the camera, and Steve thinks that Tony has never been camera shy, and probably never will be. When Tony reached perhaps two, and the photos are of him toddling around, eating in the manner of babies (messily), gripping onto the legs or hands of his parents, Steve notices that something has shifted in the dynamic of the family. The way they stand is different, particularly in photos when it is all three of them. Maria will often hold Tony between herself and Howard, and Howard has in a drink in hand in ore and more of the photos.

-

_Howard starts drinking, really drinking, just before Tony turns two. Maria doesn't know what happened, but Howard is not a pleasant drunk, and she is afraid. Not for herself, no, she can take care of herself. But Tony is so very young, and he needs his father. He doesn't need a man lost in memories of a war that ended years ago and a man that died even before that. She'd come to terms with the fact that Howard was always going to love Steve Rogers, but she'd be damned if that stopped him from loving his own son._

-

The next group of pictures is Tony growing up into school age, some class photos, always in little uniforms. A private school kid, Steve thinks, that makes sense. There is a gap here, of mostly class pictures, images from field trips, and a few pictures of Tony with Howard or Maria. There are none where Tony is with both. Then comes a photo where Tony looks to be seven or maybe eight. He's standing in front of a tri-fold board with what looks like some kind of science displayed on it, and in front of it is a small robot. Howard is standing next to Tony with a hand on his shoulder, a trophy of some kind in the other hand, like any proud father. But the look Tony is giving Howard is unsure, and perhaps even afraid, and so very wrong. And Howard's face is a mask, cold and implacable.

-

_Tony wins the science fair easily. None of the other kids begin to reach his brilliance. Then he thinks, no, it's not good enough. Because Dad isn't smiling and hugging Tony like the other dads are doing with their kids. He's just looking at the board, and turning Tony's little robot over and over in his hands, and he's not saying anything at all. Tony wonders what he did wrong, why he's never good enough. When the teacher comes over to take a polaroid of Tony and Howard, Tony can't help but glance up at his father, in the hope that maybe he will be smiling, and proud of Tony. But he's not, and the hand on Tony's shoulder is almost punishing in its grip. Tony thinks that he'll have to do better next time, because nothing is good when Dad is angry._

-

When Tony is about 13, there start to be pictures of him in suits, a smile on his face, chatting up society folk at parties, or seated with his parents for formal portraits. Howard is older, and harder, and Maria looks tired. Tony looks like he doesn't fit inside his own skin, just hitting his teens with no direction to grow in. Steve narrows his eyes at the candids of Tony at parties, because his body language is an echo of Howard's, and his eyes are empty, bored, distracted.

-

_Tony hates having to go to stupid parties with his dad, but he's almost a grown up and Dad says it's time to start learning how to be a man. That means sips of wine, or even harder liquor, and it means chatting pleasantly with the airheads that fill these things, and not running off to build things in his room. Tony cannot let his father think that he's weak, or not good enough. Tony cannot afford that._

-

As Tony ages, and the class photos from private elementary schools fade into private highschools, and then, much earlier than Steve expected, pictures from university. Tony must have graduate early, he thinks, smoothing his fingers over a picture of Tony in a graduation cap, leaving the 12 th grade and preparing for college. He looks about 15, and somehow it seems wrong to Steve that Tony had so little time to enjoy his childhood before being thrust into adult life.

-

_Howard doesn't come to Tony's graduation from highschool. Tony has never felt so glad to be leaving the world of children, finally finding some independence from a cold household that always had a layer of underlying anger._

-

There are no more photos of Tony taken by family or friends after that, but there are new clippings. The headlines are things like 'Genius Heir Finally Enters University' and 'The Youngest Stark: Party Animal?'. The photos are often of Tony drunk or rowdy or in compromising position, especially as he gets older, but sometimes they are of him holding acheivements of absurdly high quality and never looking at all proud of himself. Howard is in none of these, nor is Maria, but the papers compare Tony to his father again and again. Steve wonders if it had always been like this. As the dates progress, Steve is finally able to get a lock on Tony's age: 15, 16, 17, 18, 19. Five years in university, making a mess of himself through most of it, and then he graduates with two Masters degrees in compelx sciences that Steve knows nothing of. And Steve is stunned, because it says all kinds of things about Tony's intelligence that he could achieve so much, even as he spent so much time on... other things.

-

_Tony gets in a lot of shit in university, because what the fuck else is he going to do with his time. He build robots and does homework in no time at all, and then goes out and gets drunk and buries himself in warm bodies, because what he's learning is not enough to keep his mind busy. He needs distraction. He needs affection, too, needs contact like a drug, and he had never known it before because growing up, his house had been cold as ice._

-

After Tony graduates, Steve starts seeing more photos of Tony, of him working in his lab, and some of him with a big man that Steve doesn't recognize. He's a bit younger than Howard, and Steve realizes that he had been in some earlier pictures too, some anonymous friend of Howard's, who is apparently also a friend of Tony's. This man ('Obadiah' is scribbled under a photo) starts appearing more and more as Tony ages, tuns 20, then 21, and Howard is gone but Obadiah is not. It's strange, and Steve doesn't know what's going on anymore. He had thought that he would find an innocent chronicle of Tony's childhood, and of Howard as a father, but what he's finding is a tragedy written in images of absent fathers, withdrawn mothers, and a son who hasn't looked happy since he was too small to understand.

-

_Obi appears like a benediction after Tony graduates university, helping Tony through lessons on running the company, and making sure that Tony leaves his workshop sometimes, rather than lurking down there with Dummy and the beginnings of something entirely different, something rather- no, very intelligent. Tony's not great about taking care of himself, but Obi deals with that, and he keeps Tony's father off his back, and that's great. Tony thinks that maybe this is what having a Dad is supposed to be like, rather than the ever disappointed man that his real father is._

-

After that, Steve runs out of photos, and he doesn't know why. Then he realizes: this is after Howard's death. Howard couldn't have placed any more photos in the album after his own death. And yet. The story isn't complete, and Steve feels a driving need to find out the rest. He can't ask Tony, god knows what Tony's reaction would be. But who could he ask...

Steve eyes widen and he sits back in the chair. “JARVIS?” he asks, quietly.

From all around him, there comes a sigh, and then JARVIS's smooth British tone. “What can I do for you, sir?”

“I need photos and video images from Howard's death onwards, focus on Tony, please. Can you send it to my... tablet? And set it up so that I can flip through them easily.”

“Of course, sir,” says JARVIS, “but may I remind you that Master Tony may not appreciate this.”

“I know.” Steve shakes his head. “But I have to know.”


	2. Tablet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JARVIS provides Steve with the rest of Tony's life so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh so there's a short epilogue left and i'm really not happy with this but it's not getting any better so enjoy i guess.

The next night, Steve settles in his own room with the tablet Tony had given him, the screen illuminated. The very first picture in the file JARVIS sent to Steve is one of Tony standing at his parents' funeral, looking utterly stoic, with Obadiah resting a comforting hand on his shoulder. Tony, for all that his face is hard, doesn't seem to need the comfort much. He is not happy that his parents are dead, if anything he seems more unmoored, particularly in pictures from just after the funeral, but he doesn't seem to mourn them much either.

This is disturbing in a way that Steve could not have anticipated, because he cannot imagine not mourning his parents. They were the most important people in his life, besides perhaps Bucky, and, later, Peggy. And yet, Tony seemed to feel almost nothing for the loss of his parents, except for resignation.

After that are photos of Tony bent over some project in his workshop, and of him with Pepper, and of him with Obadiah. Official company photos, candids, portraits, and virtual newspaper clippings are all in the folder, and Steve's not sure that Tony has a true smile on his face in any of them. He looks content, and in the ones with the man that Steve recognizes as James Rhodes, War Machine, and with Pepper, and sometimes with Obadiah, he seems almost happy. But never really happy.

-

_Tony drifts through life, building weapons, building the company, building up a trust with Pepper. He's not always sure what's going on with the company, but with Pepper to keep his appointments and Obi to deal with the rest, it seems to be okay. So Tony allows himself not to really care about anything, and to make JARVIS perfect, and to create a safe haven for himself, buried deep inside his workshop, where his father's ghost can't touch him, and neither can anything else._

-

There's a long stretch of photos of Tony partying and drinking and never putting any of himself into anything, not even in the photos of him in his workshop. This is seems so very wrong to Steve, who has known Tony as the man who involves himself fully in everything, even when he shouldn't.

There are also a number of videos, of Tony being tossed mercilessly to the reporters where his smiles are fake and his laughter faker, and where he clearly does not care what he's saying. There are videos of Tony signing military contracts, following his father down the road of a war profiteer, and not really seeming to feel anything about it. And security footage or Obadiah (who Tony calls Obi) asking Tony to build weapons for the company. Steve thinks that “the company” is a very fancy way of saying “me”.

Steve isn't sure if he's seeing Howard more and more or less and less. Because this is exactly what Howard did. But Howard cared, Howard enjoyed it, and Tony really isn't.

-

_Tony builds what Obi wants, and he takes military contracts, and he doesn't care that with the war and the women and the alcohol he's turning into his father. That's always what the world has expected of him, so why not deliver? He thinks that maybe he's becoming a monster, too, but somehow that doesn't matter. The world expected that too: the world always expects that of its geniuses._

-

Steve watches Tony vanish, into his work, into himself, into the drinking and the parties, and the fame. He watches Tony disappear behind the expectations of the world, of Obi, even of Pepper, who has recently begun to appear in videos. Tony looks happy, to the untrained eye, but even Steve, who doesn't know how to deal with Tony, has spent enough time with him to know what a bad day looks like on his face. In the videos, it looks like Tony has had a few years of bad days, with only a few good days in between.

Of course, that's not to say that Tony looks completely unhappy. Steve thinks that maybe Tony is fooling himself into thinking that he's happy, or maybe some days he just hides it better, but sometimes Steve thinks that Tony might actually be enjoying himself.

Then Tony vanishes for real. There are a few news clips about the “Missing CEO of Stark Industries”, and how people are looking for him after he was kidnapped from the sight of an explosion during a demonstration of SI weaponry. Steve flips forward through the articles, desperate in a strange way to know what happened to Tony and if he's going to be all right.

When Tony does reappear, it's with a bang. Footage of Iron Man starts appearing, and Steve thinks that maybe life is looking up for Tony.

-

_After Afghanistan, after Yinsen, after the entire fucking mess, Tony almost doesn't know what to feel. He's sick, in a way, of what he's become, and how he never saw it. He's pleased with what he's becoming. He's confused and hurt and unsure as anything, because he's fucked up everything else so far, so who's to say that becoming this... this hero will make anything better? That he'll even be able to do it? Maybe this isn't going to be worth anything for Tony, and he should give up now and go back to building robots in his basement. But he can't let SI die, or let Obi, or Pepper down, or, for that matter, his father. Tony hates Howard, certainly, but god knows he doesn't need to disappoint his father's memory too. So he'll do what he can, his very best, and if that's not enough that he'll just fade away and no one will remember him anyways._

-

Watching Tony become Iron Man is like watching a butterfly come out of a cocoon, Steve thinks. Tony's finding purpose, and joy in what he's doing. He's still drinking heavily in the footage from the lab, taken by JARVIS, and he's still giving false smiles to the cameras, but he gives Pepper real smiles, and he isn't leaning on Obadiah quite so much for ideas. He's also stopped taking military contracts, and Steve watches him go out as Iron Man and protect parts of the world that have been ravaged by Stark weapons.

Then comes a video of Tony being betrayed within the walls of his own home, Obadiah paralyzing him and stealing the arc reactor from Tony's chest. The things the older man say to Tony are brutal and cruel, and Steve wonders if this is what he's always thought, and begins to maybe understand Tony a bit better. Tony is grey and sick-looking, and when he drags himself from the couch, it's horrifying for Steve to watch. He's never seen Tony so weak, so crippled, even when he was lying silent and still on the remains of a New York street after the battle against the Chitauri. Steve is still leaned back in his bed, resting against the pillows, but in his mind he is on the edge of his seat, hoping to god that Tony will be alright. He knows, logically, that he will be, but there's still an element of despair at watching a man who seemed before to be so strong, and so arrogant, reduced almost to nothing by someone who should have loved him.

-

_Somehow, Tony isn't surprised by Obi's betrayal, though he is in no way ready for it. Everyone leaves eventually, Tony knows, and Tony also knows that no one would love him enough to stay. He just didn't realize that Obi was going to try to kill him on the way out, and picking himself up from that is a near insurmountable task._

-

Tony seems... alright, after the entire incident with Obadiah, and after he comes out as Iron Man. He does some hero work, and plenty of publicity, and Steve thinks that maybe things are going to be okay. Then the black starts creeping up the side of Tony's neck, and he looks sick, and tired, and JARVIS has pulled very private surveillance footage to show Steve Tony checking the blood toxicity metre and running test after test and rehearsing in the mirror how exactly he's going to tell Pepper that he's dying.

Tony devolves into a mess of impulsive choices, anger, and depression. It's a surprise to Steve that no one else can see it, but maybe it's just because he has experience with depression himself that he knows the signs. Steve also knows being so ill that he isn't sure he'll ever get better, and Tony is showing a bit of that too. Of course, much of what Steve is being shown by JARVIS is from video feeds that no one else in the world has seen, and no one else was with Tony throughout it.

Even when fighting against his own body, though, Tony is fighting to protect others. The Russian man that is trying now to kill Tony is a tough opponent, but Tony does well against him, and Steve is impressed.

-

_Tony doesn't really know what to do with the palladium poisoning. He was going to die one day, it just so happens that now his time is shorter than ever, and he has to find a way to tell Pepper, and also save the world again before he dies. Maybe he'll just stop the Russian and die and then he won't have to worry about it. But that would hurt Pepper, and Rhodey, and probably JARVIS too, because Tony is sure that by now he's developed feelings. It is a dilemma, and only time will tell how it's going to be solved._

-

Tony saves the world, of course, and somewhere in the middle of it he saves himself with some of Howard's old memories and his own brand of genius, and perhaps a little nudging from SHIELD. And then, after that, he's just... Tony. He becomes a lot of the Tony that Steve has known, the one who has fun, and loves what he does, and who is blindingly intelligent even when he's being a complete idiot.

But he's less... guarded, especially with Pepper, and Steve realizes that all this time he's been seeing Tony's public face. He wonders what it would be like to get to know the real Tony, and he puts away his tablet, and thanks JARVIS, and decides to sleep on all that he's learned.


	3. Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony finds out.

As is inevitable, Tony does eventually find out about Steve's snooping, and he is angry. He screams at for a long time, until eventually Bruce stops trying to sooth him, and Pepper backs off, and Clint and Natasha have long since given up. Steve listens quietly, and says nothing, and even when Tony being repeating himself, about invasion of privacy, and how dare he, and this is Tony's fucking life and Tony's fucking problem, and that Steve had no right. Steve knows what he did was, in a way, very wrong. But he doesn't regret it.

He's sorry that Tony is angry, and they he hurt the man that could maybe be his friend. He's sorry that the disruption upset Bruce and Pepper. But he's not sorry that he understands Tony a bit better now, because he thinks that without that understanding they'd never have been able to get along. He tells Tony that when he went looking, he was just searching for Howard, and that he doesn't regret the fact that he found Tony instead.

That makes Tony fall silent, and go still, and then say that wishes that Steve hadn't done it, because some of that was stuff that even Pepper doesn't know. And Steve says that that is Tony's mistake, not Steve's, because that's what made Tony who he is and Pepper has the right to know that as someone who loves him.

Tony shrugs, and says that that's not really Steve's business either, and then he leaves.

Steve isn't sure what's going to happen now, but he does know that something has shifted between himself and Tony, and that hopefully it's going to change for the better now. He wasn't sure how much longer he would have been about to work with the incorrigible asshole that he had seen in Tony before, without at least some idea of why Tony was the way he was. But now he knows, and he'll never have to do that again, and the change feels like a good one.

And maybe, next time, when Steve needs to know something, Tony will just tell him, and there won't be quite so much mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so fucking glad to be done with this you don't even know
> 
> i hope everyone enjoyed

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are welcome as always!


End file.
